FEBRUARY 1999 WINNER

     You're trapped on a deserted on an island with only one CD/record/tape. What would it be?

 I want Yanni Live at the metropolis beacuse it's great. Every time me & my boyfriend Lenny fight. I like to go for drive in my car real fast. Yanni makes me real good. I've been listening to him forever. My friends make fun of him but he's great muscian. He's married to Linda Crystal. She was on Dynasty which I liked too. Then they canceled it. That's the CD I want to bring. (illegible handwriting) is great but I want Ozzy Osbone. He's awseome when I work out. I get real excited & work out like crazy. I Like a "crazy rain" I have it that song on tape alnog with lots of cool music. So I'll bring that tape. I don't have records becuase I don't have a (illegible handwriting) records. I don't care beacuse Lenny & I will have fun on th e island.

   Of all the essays to select from, the staff would pick you to ruin my day! Congratulations, you've caused a grown man to cry. I'm going to assume that you're an epileptic alcoholic. Your handwriting looks like a seismograph readout & you make no sense. By the way, your doodles were just disturbing. Now that you've won my dictionary, please look up the word "proof read" & "nut (slang)". Where should I begin?

   Hmm... how about with the damn question? It reads "...with only one CD/record/tape". That means only one stinking musical selection NOT one of each! It also says that " You're trapped...". It's not an island get away so your boyfriend won't be there.

   How in bloody hell do you get the music you listen to wrong? It's "Live at the Acropolis" not Metropolis- home to Superman. This is when blood began dripping out from my ears. As for you fighting with Loverboy Lenny, it's probably because he's annoyed that you can't get his name correct! You know I'm right. Why the bloody hell are you out driving after a spat with Lenny? You shouldn't be operating machinery when you're not of sound mind (I'm using the term very liberally). For pete's sake, you can't even handle multisyllabic words. I can't believe that the state of California licensed you. As for your favourite show, I couldn't give a rat's ass about Dynasty. I hated it. Joan Collins gives me the willies.

    Here's a tip- when writing please don't just switch over to cave drawings. By the way, the animal you drew had 5 legs. No one here at The Real Deal is proficient what you mean by drawing a 5 legged beast with deformed testicles (or was that supposed to be its head?). How annoyed would you be if you received letters in half English & half Esperanto? I'll assume that you were just having some sort of a mental episode.

   It's great that you're trying to get fit. You'll be in shape to run the bloody hell away from the men in white coats who'll be coming for you soon. By the way, it's OZZY OSBOURNE & the song is called "Crazy Train". Does "I'm going off the rails like a crazy rain" make any sense?  Well, I'm going back to my dark corner & contemplate why I even agreed to do this segment... my head hurts! Enjoy your prizes :-)

Lost? click here for map